Misery......is it an age thing?

or an unhappiness in a job thing? Or just an general miserable bastard thing??

Wife just had a proper go at me. She was at her brothers for the weekend, they had a big long chat about a business idea she's had. She comes home tonight, tells me about it and I'm fairly negative on the idea (primarily because we've still got a mortgage to pay for etc.)

Now, I've noticed in the last couple of weeks I've been a bit more miserable than I usually am, and I'm usually fairly miserable........but at the moment I'm a proper git about everything.

Any suggestions? preferably other than skating.........not bought a board yet (still) and Orange just humped me for this months bill so super skint at the moment.

Well if you've noticed it, then it's not your normal state so look for what has changed or what's missing from your life. Sounds like there may be some work issues, are they the cause or another symptom?

Might be a good idea to chat with the other half and see if she's noticed it too. If not then it might be you just being hyper-critical of yourself. If she has then try to work out when it started and what may be causing it.

If you can find the cause or at least have a good idea what it could be then see what you can do about it. If not then maybe talking to someone else might help.

Don't go for the "shut the fuck up and man up" solution as that just leads to disaster. Something isn't right and if you're willing and able to write that down here then it's likely that it's something you can fix and want to.

If you need to talk about anything pm me a number. I'm not a professional but I do seem to be on everyone else's speed dial when the shit hits their fan so I've heard most things. Half the time the solution is in talking things out. It gives you perspective on the issue when you hear it out loud.

Yes, misery can be an age thing. I hate getting older; getting older is shit for me as I don't really want to mellow gracefully into middle age! Tinbox has the right idea, sounds like he might give you better advice than I could! If it makes you feel any better, I had a shit day today. Great intentions all fell apaert. What was a family walk turned into a giant whinge about not having a bottle of water (II was'n't whingeing!). Then the family meal didn't happen because I set the table without my place set, and fucked off up the road listening to a German news station on my iphone, to clear my head and get away from the nagging. I just wanted to walk for a while, rather than have a pointless bickering session! But setting the table and leaving a meal ready to serve up without me present pissed everyone off, though when you've cooked it you don't always want to eat it! So there ended the evening. I was only out for 1/2 hour, but the damage was done! Anyway, seeing you're on a skate website, you really should buy a board. If you just want to cruise about a bit, buy a Penny Nickle cruiser (£95); they're meant to be OK on shit roads and tarmac. I want one for Christmas. Waiting for a Penny Nickle should be enough to lift you out of the dolldrums! I'd still give Tinbox a call though!

Durkin you poor bugger, that was a train-wreck of a day. Hopefully tomorrow brings a better outlook. I think a bit of a family chat might be in order. I'm on my own now and it ain't nice, you don't want to end up there.

Don't forget that ageing is something that happens to us. Being old is something we do to ourselves. This site is an ideal example of one of my favourite quotes.

We don't stop playing because we get old, we get old because we stop playing!

Hopefully you too can sort things out soon. Fingers crossed.

Families are hard work. That's why we escape now and again to go skating.

My default setting is pretty negative...I set my head into a better place with regular physical exercise and setting myself long term & mid term goals. Long term would be something that will take me a few years, mid term is something that takes a few months to get to (could be a holiday, could be building something or throwing a big party)

bit on the side.....works for me......

It can be an age thing - I've seen a graph showing people's reported happiness by age, and it dips down as you go into middle age, as you build up responsibilities and as money gets tight - but then it goes up again and people get happier, on average, from their late forties onwards.
But it also depends on where you start from. Some people start of pretty happy and although they suffer a few setbacks it doesn't really hit them too hard (think Jeffrey Archer - becomes bankrupt, bounces back. Gets put in prison, bounces back). But some people are born worriers and stay that way even if they win the lottery.
But whatever sort of person you are, it helps to get outside and do something physical. Cheers you up, I find - gives you a 'buzz'.
Given that this is a skate website, my advice would be 'buy a skateboard and ride it'. Buy a second-hand one on eBay if you can't afford a new one.
There's even a thread on MAS about someone currently selling a 'well made skateboard' for a fiver. Made out of a fucking rollerskate and a bit of plywood. Now there's a natural optimist if ever I saw one...

It has been said but families are bloody hard work. Everything anybody in my family does involves more work for me. Nobody can do anything in their own. Then they get surprised when I get grumpy!
Everything i want to do is always cut short because I have to get back and do something for someone else, or because they are sitting indoors not able to do anything on their own.
I am not able to spend a day skating as I get called selfish.

I guess I am happy in my own company and enjoy time alone which makes it worse!

Anyway in short I guess I a miserable old shit!

[Carl Arnfield]

im just cynical of everyone and thing ... rather than just miserable

My life's very stressful at this stage, i got a lot on personally and my job is really starting to get very much Im the way of my family life. With every thing added up, Im at a stage where Im thinking about seeing a doc for some thing to help cause the only place Im not ready to tear someone's head off is when Im skating and unfortunately my family feel the brunt of my mood and this upsets me

I think it is an age thing because when you reach a certain age your very aware of your role and responsibilities and anyone who stand in the way or upsets things tend to add to the stress and then there are those who just don't care so don't help the situation

All that said, there are things you can do to change all this but one needs to weigh up the pros and cons before making life changing decisions.....which just adds to the stress in my situation

Everything anybody in my family does involves more work for me. Nobody can do anything in their own. Then they get surprised when I get grumpy!

That's my life in a nut shell.

The attached link has in it the graph I was talking about, which says, in essence, that people get less happy until their late 40s/ early 50s, and then get happy again

http://www.economist.com/node/17722567

I think what happens is you get the real slog of bringing up a family out of the way, plus after all those years of not beung able to do what you want you learn to stop worrying about things you can't change: after all, no-one gets their own way in the end - either you don't get what you want out of life, or you do but then it goes away again. So after a while you just have to think 'fuck it! I may as well enjoy myself anyway, while I still can'


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im just cynical of everyone and thing ... rather than just miserable

Totally true. I'm such a jaded bastard is unbelievable. My mood may go up/down/middle/up again, doesn't matter but my cynicism is (sadly at times, I'll be the first to admit) very solid...

im just cynical of everyone and thing ... rather than just miserable

Totally true. I'm such a jaded bastard is unbelievable. My mood may go up/down/middle/up again, doesn't matter but my cynicism is (sadly at times, I'll be the first to admit) very solid...

Likewise. Plus, I used to consider myself fairly liberal and open minded, that is narrowing off now, far less tolerant of idiots, immigrants, tax dodgers, scroungers, etc, etc...

Plus generally a miserable old bastard (only 36). Trying to hold down a decent job to provide for the minions, plus cater to all needs is damned hard. Lilke now, fairly chilled with a Beer, but aware that another hectic day has slipped by, and I have done sod all for me. Nice sunny day, not got a chance to skate and driving home from work on the coast the surf was great for the first time in ages. no chance to get that board out either...

But I will get the chance soon enough, then it makes it all worthwhile.

I think I've got happier, you know.
I had a shaky year or so a couple of years back when I came off my board and busted my pelvis, spent time in hospital on a drip, then 3 months on crutches, then found I'd lost my nerve and all my tricks. Then I got made redundant - with 2 kids a mortgage and a wife to support - and couldn't get a job
But it all worked out for the best in the end. Sometimes its good when things go wrong because it forces you to learn how to bounce back.
I went self-employed, and after a scary couple of months with no contracts and mounting bills I got some work, and I got an accountant who halved the amount of tax I pay. I still have zero job security, and sometimes I wonder whether I'm going to be earning anything at all in 2 months time, but it's been a couple of years and the longer I do it the less I worry about it.
On my board I set myself the goal of dropping in on vert again. That was a very big block and it took me 2 years of fear and bailing, and the repeated bailing from 12ft started to do things to my knees and Achilles tendons, but I got it back eventually. Still lots of other tricks to re-learn, but you have to start somewhere.
And I stopped caring so much about what people think of me. I stopped pretending to myself and others that I'm liberal and tolerant, and embraced my inner Jeremy Clarkson: I have 'come out' as deeply, deeply un-PC about more or less everything.
Life gives you bad shit sometimes, but it's up to you how you deal with it.

I'm writing a dissertation on misery as we speak. If the theories are correct, it's all downhill from birth onwards

Never mind, eh? Here's a picture of a kitten.

One day life is shite. The next it's good again! Managed some great frontside 360 bertslides, but couldn't get the 50/50 axle stall. The wife actually kissed me today, despite the purfume I bought her smelling, in her words 'like a wags handbag!' Next week my life could be better/worse when I start the violin lessons at my sons old primary school! Why do we do this to ourselves!

My wife sat on the phone to her mate who's having troubles in her relationship (the guy is a fanny, a middle classed fanny which is somehow worse.......doesn't beat her or anything as Jeremy Kyle as that) for well over an hour.

During the call she was bigging me up to her mate about how I look after the dog and walk him way more than she does. It wasn't much I know but it was amazing to hear her talk about me in such a positive manner.

I know, what a prick! but after my fall from a wall 4 foot to concrete while gardening (no. really) at the weekend fucked me up right royally (sprained ankle, bust knee, pulled muscles in my back/arm and possible broken rib), and a right bout of something kept me off work today, it reet cheered me up I'm even going to post a wee skateboard man

Been through divorce, bad jobs, friends that turned out to be shitbags etc.

Best bit of advice I had was: There are three types of things in your life

Things that you can control
Things that you have influence over
Things that you can do fuck all about

Put the majority of your thoughts and energy into the first one, save a smaller proportion for the second, and waste as little time as you can even considering the third

I've found the best way to get though things is to have small goals.
Something that is quickly achievable.
This gives me a quick buzz and carries me onto the next thing.

I have just come back from a weeks holiday in Devon, now I really should be stoked on this but the bad weather and whinging kids took the edge off it all! Not that I didn't enjoy it but the surfing was blown out and it was too wet to skate so it just meant that the four of us were together 24/7.
This sounds selfish but I do need time to myself, this then makes me a better person for when I am with the family.

Day to day thing hack me off as well, just dealing with idiots, as mentioned above I am less liberal and more narrow minded than ever and this depresses me but also gives me strength to battle on!

I am less liberal and more narrow minded than ever and this depresses me but also gives me strength to battle on!

Some call this "focused", definitely not a bad thing as long as you use it in a positive way.

I've found the best way to get through things is to have small balls

I am in awe of your honesty mate !!

This seems to have turned into self help page I will impart the best bit of advice i ever got which has seriously has changed my life for the better it goes like this.

Think back to this time next year and try and remember what it was that was worrying you or stressing you out chances are unless your going through something major like divorce or a death you will not have clue. So just think that this time next year you will not have a clue about what was worrying you right now.

It sounds simplistic and a little hockey but it works for me and a few other people i have imparted this to having said that you do have to be able to except it as a truth or it does not work for instance it dosen't work for my wife she cant let go of the now and think of the future.

However if I here any Pink Floyd plunges me into a deppression no matter what!

I've found the best way to get through things is to have small balls

I am in awe of your honesty mate !!

i really enjoyed reading this thread, and i'm glad allseeingeye kicked it off.

at 50, life is very up and down. while my kid's mostly grown and in a good space, and my wife and i are blissfully happy, we now have to deal w/ our aging parents. just last night, we got a call from my father-in-law, telling us the doctors have opted to discontinue treatment for my mother-in-law's cancer.

i adore that lady, as does my wife, of course - it hit pretty hard. still, we go on, right?

best "life advice" i've ever gotten: "ask for what you want, and don't be attached to any particular outcome."

stay up, boys.

Snakebite - careful what you wish for. This year's my last year of being all together as a family on holiday, before my eldest daughter goes off to university. Together 24/7 for 2 weeks in Scotland, apart from 2 hours a day in the first week when I go mountain- biking. But even then they wait in the cafe at the top of the cable-car for when I come up after each run. Next year it will all be different. Your family grow up quick enough, I find: enjoy them while you can!

Since starting this self deprecating thread, things have changed ever so slightly for me.......I've come to the stark realisation, I hate my job. The hours are weird and as much as I like some of the people I work with, i don't see it going particularly far.

Leaving work is completely out of the question. I have, however, applied to college to get closer to the degree I should have done when I was 18 and have an interview with them in Thursday. My dreams (as boring as this is going to sound) of being a web designer have been given a boost too after realising that I can follow what I want to do rather than staying at the bottom of the IT ladder for the rest of my life. I am currently pouring myself into the tech again and refreshing my coding knowledge.

No closer to a board, but so far it's all gravy........just if I could turn off the motorbike obsession for 5 minutes I might actually get something done

dude, that's great that you're getting some answers on what it will take to put you in a happier place - stoked for you!

No closer to a board

I can give you one. Pm your address and I will send it to you.

Good call, that man! That's half the problem, you know: feeling miserable about life but not doing something to cheer yourself up!


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No closer to a board

I can give you one. Pm your address and I will send it to you.

I can give you one. Pm your address and I will send it to you.

That is so generous, this site never ceases to amaze me. I will thank you, but please keep your boards. I have a job, and it's not that I couldn't afford one, it's purely down to priorities with cash at the moment. There is also a massive confidence issue to get over, I'm just not quite there with the whole "who give's a fuck what people think" attitude about it. I wouldn't feel right when there are people out there without jobs for whatever reason that may want to get back into skateboarding but can't because they've been shitcanned by their company.

I sometimes frequent another forum (nothing to do with skating) and all they do is argue the toss or have a willy waving competition over who's got the best gear (my, that sounds like quite the website ) Yeah there's a bit of shit stirring and ball breaking goes on on here, but it all seems to be in good humour and everyone is generally supportive of each other and what they do. Maybe it's an age thing (although the other forum is full of middle aged blokes as well) but I do believe it's Skaters Philosophy.......more laid back. Reading the support on the thread about the BMX kid who sadly took his life I think speaks volumes.

Anyhoo, enough spouting from me. Ben, again, thank you for the offer, if I'm ever down in your neck of the woods there'll be a pint on the bar for you.

Try breaking the issues down.
We can't advise you on the business investment thing - or at least, I can't.
But most of us are in a pretty good position to have a view on skating and what it means for old gits like us.
So, first thing: are you interested mainly in talking about skating, or in doing it?
If you're interested in doing it, what are your main obstacles?
If it's the lack of a board, that's easily sorted. EIther you buy one, or - as you've seen - you can have a spare one, free. And don't be put off by there being other more 'deserving' people in the world: that's a slippery slope that just leads to a 'how can I ever justify enjoying myself when there are starving people in the world' mentality. There always will be people worse off than yourself: that's life.
If it's lack of confidence that's stopping you skating, what is behind it?
Is it physical confidence? Do you worry that you'll be crap, and that you'll fall off and hurt yourself? If so, hook up with some other old skaters - we all have those issues from time to time, and we enjoy the company in being old and lame together.
Is it social confidence? Do you worry about what people will think of you if they see someone of your age on a board? If so, see the answer above.
Or is it some other issue of confidence? Be specific about it, and then, if you want to skate enough, chances are that there will be a specific way around it.
Does that make sense?
What's your other forum, by the way? The one where all the people argue and show off about their gear?

Put it this way... On your death bed, you won't be laying there, thinking happy thoughts about not embarrassing yourself on skateboard. You will be kicking yourself for not just going for it, damn what anyone else thinks.

As the saying goes, 'Make Hay while the sun shines'!

Put it this way... On your death bed, you won't be laying there, thinking happy thoughts about not embarrassing yourself on skateboard.

^^^
that's kind of it. i know it's embarrassing to hit a spot with a lot of skaters that are better than you. but if they're kids, they honestly won't have anything to do with you regardless - hell, you're half dead in their eyes. if they're older skaters, they may encourage you.

either way, there's no getting around the fact that skating's ridiculous. i don't care if you're joe goofyfoot or christian motherfucking hosoi - you're rolling around on a piece of wood and four plastic wheels for no apparent reason.

so get/borrow a skateboard and a helmet, find a spot, roll around. even if you feel embarrassed at first, you won't regret it. it's not the olympics: every time you push off on a skateboard, you win.

and just to re-assure you further,( but you should be half-way out the door with a skateboard in yer hands by now ) - Every time I've skated and met another older skater they have NEVER been anything less than friendly.
There is instant camraderie regardless of level. Stop procrastinating and make with the skating. ' yo...peace..word...etc.

I was once helped up by a group of mid-teen bmx peeps after a spectacular faceplant on a mini-ramp. One of them even went and found my board for me! Embarrassing? yes. Did anyone care 5 minutes later? No. They probably had a chuckle about "that crap old dude" with their mates at school the next day, but who cares?

So even some of the kids aren't too bad

Really don't understand your reasoning for not skating strikes me it has less to do with confidence and more to do with vanity. Do you really think you are so important that anybody gives a flying Fug about how old YOU are when your at a park are you that important do the press follow your every move?
Unless your a member of the royal family or some equally vacuous celeb I doubt its going to raise more than a eyebrow.
Skating in general is so mainstream and older skaters so common that you will hardly get a second look 10 - 15 years ago it was quite unusual these days old skaters are everywhere. So to be so blunt but man the F#ck up and if you want to skate then skate if not dont bleat .

I know that sound harsh but skating is a thing you do not talk about or type about. Due to the weather and family stuff I have not been able to get out for a skate for nearly 2 weeks and I am pulling my hair out so a cant understand if skating is important to you why you would let vanity stop you.

What he said

Your absolutely right, shit or get off the pot.

I'm not going to sit here making any further excuses, I either do it or I don't. Funny how 1 off day turned into a self help thread.

On a lighter note, I went out for a cycle today and found a cool wee park I never knew existed.......pics later on the skate spots thread.

Skate or Die coz you're a long time dead.

You need a shot of endorphins to get you buzzin.
Skateboarding will give you that.
Other than that you need a kick up the arse!
Never have i read such a depressing thread.
Do some people actually go through life like this?

Interesting thread and most of what i have read rings so true for me. I am generally a cynical sod and look on the -ve side of things. Responsibilities, the daily grind and shit can feel like lead weights around your feet. When i returned to skating i was very self conscious and very aware of how crap i was compared to the skaters around me. I had to listen to the "mid-life crisis" nonsence from so many people that i just ended up smiling and nodding. BUT... the good stuff that flows from actually skating is so awsome that everything else becomes fluff.
The more you skate the better you become, you feel more confident and you realise that it really don't matter what anyone else thinks, its your thing to do whatever you want with it. The physical activity boosts your health and mental outlook. Its a total zone-out when you wanna leave behind the madness of life. I have met some genuinely friendly, open and supportive people and only once got the piss taken, kids sitting on a ramp shouting "oi, Tony Hawk" - funny as fuck, and because i was laughing they started smiling too.
Get on board

^Nod your post gets a nod from me!^

Wot Nod and Trawler said really.

I've just returned from a late evening surf at my local point break. I shared it with a ripper in his late teens /early twenties, a guy in late 30s and a longboarder. We shouted each other into the meagre waves and laughed at our mistakes.

There are two alternatives 1) Do n't do stuff that energises you and that you enjoy or 2) Do stuff that energises you and that you enjoy


Seize the day and shake it vigorously.

Had to drop the car off at wife's workplace, and then had the option of bus etc. or skate. Decided to skate the 7 miles home. The terrain was shite, so I'm going to buy some OJ Pure Juice's in case it happens again, which it will by choice. Yes there is the issue of being an 'Old Man Skater' , and shouldn't I be in an audi or at least in a taxi. But no! I'm skating. I dont give a fuck anymore. I have my own choice to to exactly what I want to do. I dont give a fuck what other's think, esp. if it is in a vacuous world of vanity and consumerism. I'm not a hippy, far from it, but I would strongly recommend that if you skate, as most on this site do, that you have a board that can be used in towns. Tarmac and the shite road surfaces that are all we have do not accomodate park wheels, so get some OJ's on your spare 'commute' board, just in case you need it. And once you're on those old school wheels, just skate! Who gives a fuck; your a long time dead!

Yes, or Bones ATFs, or Ricta Clouds. If you keep a spare set of soft wheels for rough terrain, I find they fit nicely in a zip-up pencil case, if you get the right size case.

Yes, or Bones ATFs, or Ricta Clouds. If you keep a spare set of soft wheels for rough terrain, I find they fit nicely in a zip-up pencil case, if you get the right size case.

Sounds like a viz top tip!

Yes, and if you have those big stretched earlobes that the piercing enthusiasts go in for, you'll find two small street wheels will save you a fortune in jewellery. And used truck bolts make an ideal budget replacement for body-piercing studs.


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Do some people actually go through life like this?

Some people just need to vent their spleen a bit, get it off their chest. Doing it on here can be a bit less personnal than saying it face to face with someone.